Maybe the third time is the charm. I know what you’re thinking. Here’s another rant from someone burned by Facebook. Here’s another effort to demonize something that is good for a lot of people. Well, no, that’s not what this is. This is a note to self. This will serve as a reminder to me as to why I have deactivated my Facebook account for the third time. This is an effort to make it stick.
There is plenty to like about Facebook. I think some are able to harness the good and avoid the bad. I, however, am not one of those people. Why? Well, for starters, because I can only read so much garbage without commenting. Oh, I may make it through the feed nine out of ten times, but that tenth time is the one that gets me.
I think maybe I'm just too logical. And reason can only go so far in online discussions. It can only go as far as both sides are reasonable. That means for some people, reason doesn’t even enter the equation. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but if it's one pen against another, now what?
One of the problems with Facebook and other similar forums is that we don’t all play by the same set of rules. On Facebook, nice guys finish last. Either that or they succumb to not being nice. Those are often the only two options. So, I lose. I lose over and over again. I lose by being nice even though someone has been rude to me. I lose by letting an argument go that I could have won (as if anyone cared). I lose by keeping my mouth shut. Sometimes I even lose by apologizing when I have nothing to apologize for. I’m tired of losing.
Oh, I know nobody really wins an argument anyway. My point is in how this all makes me feel. And I know losing can be good for me. I know this is part of life. I know taking the high road pays off in the end. But it sure isn’t fun. And being on the losing side of conflict sure isn’t something I want to choose to experience as much as I possibly can.
Can one be on Facebook and avoid conflict? Well, maybe one can, but apparently I am not him. And it isn't from lack of effort. I almost never post anything controversial, but oh my goodness gracious, look out if I ever do. I have strong opinions, but I almost never post them on Facebook. Why? Because I don’t enjoy pain. And yet, try as I may, I can't seem to avoid conflict on Facebook. If nothing else, I read the conflict of others and I want to take a side. Whether or not I actually say anything, I feel the conflict. I read posts I strongly disagree with... some are even factually inaccurate and most of the time I say nothing, but I still feel the conflict inside. When I do feel I must say something, I try so hard to be understanding and polite, yet responses are seldom in kind. The next thing you know I’m just trying to get out of a mess, but some people won’t even let that happen without getting as many shots in as possible, because I had the nerve to invade their Facebook kingdom, however diplomatically.
What about when friends or even family members are treated badly on Facebook by someone else? How hard is it not to enter the fray? Recently I felt my mother was treated quite rudely and disrespectfully in a comment string. I desperately wanted to fight back with words that could have made the other individual look bad. Instead, in an attempt to diffuse an ugly situation, I tried to say something conciliatory and understanding. I even found common ground and reminded the individual that we all love each other as family. The response was no less a hurtful attack on my character. Resigned to staying a nice guy, and left to nurse my wounds, I did not respond. A week later, it still hurts.
I don’t want to be a person who never risks sharing an opinion or who never risks a reasonable disagreement. However, neither do I want to invite every person I know into my house for a 24/7 opinion fest. Isn’t that pretty much what Facebook is becoming? Add to that scene the inherent problems with written communication and it seems to me like Facebook offers mostly an extra helping of conflict to my life.
Yeah, I know some people are able to use Facebook in a different way. More power to them. But for me (and maybe for more of you than want to admit it) a farewell to Facebook leaves me with three things: 1) a lot more time, 2) fewer stomach knots, and 3) a great big sigh of relief.
Farewell forever, Facebook. You just weren’t right for me. And now I think I’ll just see if that old cell phone still works. I wonder what my friends will do if I call and say, “Hey, just wanted to catch up. How are you?” They’ll probably text their response to my voice message.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Problems with Email Conversations
I have been addicted to email for some time. I check email just about every day, from the time I get up until I go to bed, sometimes even late at night. I don’t always respond the moment I see something, but I know it is there. I send and receive countless emails every day. Some are from friends, some from family, some are silly, some are serious, some are related to my music, some are related to my ongoing education, or something I have written online, but most are related to my church. Between all the different spheres, there are emails coming in 24/7, and I send out almost as many as I receive.
Anyone who does email a lot will tell you that inevitably, some of those emails will either have a hint of conflict or, at least, the potential for conflict. A certain percentage of emails cause misunderstanding, and that percentage is considerably higher than the misunderstandings occurring within verbal conversation. Those who know this by experience find themselves tiptoeing through the keypad, often gingerly hitting the send button, never knowing for sure if we have misspoken until we receive the response. And with email, there is always a period of waiting for the response, and that waiting also adds just a little bit more stress to life.
Many times I find myself waiting to hear back from multiple sources, wondering if I have been misunderstood, if I have upset someone, or maybe I’ve very stupidly used email to let someone else know that they’ve upset me. And now I’m waiting to see if they understand, or if things have gotten even worse. And I wait... And I wonder what they’re thinking... And I worry... STUPID!
Now, if the percentage of possibly difficult emails is just five percent, then for me that’s about three or four emails per day that potentially have some kind of conflict attached. And so I’m checking email constantly, wondering what so and so will say about so and so... or will they even respond? Why aren’t they responding? Did I say something offensive without meaning to? What if I forget about the whole situation, because in sending the email I checked it off my list... but what if they never respond? What if they ignored it or never read it. What if it went into their spam folder? Or worse, what if they took something the “wrong” way? Was I out of line? It’s been a day and a half, and no response. What is going on? When will they respond? What have I done!
“Dear Charlie, I hope you didn’t take me wrong in my last email. I didn’t mean to come across too strong. I just meant to say.... blah, blah, blah, blah....”
Three more days of scanning my emails for one from Charlie, and finally Charlie writes back....
“Dear Mark, No, no everything’s fine... good point. By the way, your sermon last Sunday reminded me of the old days... Bye, Charlie”
The old days? Is he saying my sermon was old fashioned? Was it too traditional? Did I hammer people like the preachers of old? Or is he saying that I used to preach great when he first came to church, but then it started to stink, until last Sunday it was good again? Or maybe he was only saying he has fond memories of sermons in his childhood and this reminded him of that for some positive reason? So, not knowing whether to be offended or not, of course, I write back:
"Hey Charlie, not meaning to be a pain, but I just wanted to try to understand what you were saying about “the old days.”
And I wait for his response... and I check back to see if it is there like every five minutes for the next 2 days. (I know I need email intervention.) Email can drive a person insane!
I haven’t even talked about the intentionally hurtful emails, which are rare but unforgettable. Then there are the three page email writers who expect you to respond to every point, point by point, when the whole issue could have been covered in a five minute verbal conversation. Then there are the forwards, most of which are stupid and have been going around for a decade, and there are the scams and the misinformation. I have a love-hate relationship with email. It’s kind of a co-dependency thing... can’t live with it, can’t live without it.
Now, what really are the problems with email as a format for conversation? Well, I’ll tell you. The first problem is obvious... emotion. It is extremely easy to read the wrong emotion into an email. It happens constantly, and many times we never even find out that we were wrong in our interpretation. We just let it hurt our relationship with that other person and never say anything about it, which is also sad. Even from one sentence to the next, we can get the wrong emotional idea from emails. Is it sarcastic? Are they angry? Are they snide? Are they laughing? Is there an underlying point the writer is trying to make? Is there an insinuation? Are they sad? Are they speaking softly or are they yelling? Who knows? And emoticons might help a tiny bit, but those are for girls... so they’re no help to me anyway.
The second problem with email as a method for conversation is that a huge percentage of verbal communication is supported by body language... facial expressions, hand movements, posture, etc. You can’t look into someone’s eyes when you’re reading an email. Are they laid back or are they intense? Are they animated or are they passive about it? How big of a deal is it to them? Who knows?
The third problem is that people are almost always more harsh in writing than in person. We don’t see how our words are affecting the listener. We don’t feel it as much. We don’t have that moment of recognizing that we’re hurting the other person more than we intended to, or that we’re angering the other person, which might motivate us to back down, or even backtrack and reword things. Instead, we just plow on through, only to find out in the response just how horribly the other person interpreted our words. And now it’s too late, because those words are right there in black and white, and I’ve found that people have a very hard time letting go of their initial interpretation, even if you try hard to explain it.
A fourth problem is the stark, pick-it-apart nature of written communication. You could write 5 paragraphs of positive, and two sentences of negative, but when you get the response back it will be like the only thing you wrote were the two sentences of negative. This doesn’t happen as much with verbal communication, because we can’t go back and read the things we hear over and over. We hear audible communication more holistically, but read written conversations in separate pieces. When we read, we tend to divide things out into sentences and paragraphs, and we can take more time to analyze what we like and what we don’t like about what is being said. Conversely, when we listen to someone talk, it all kind of averages together, so anything potentially negative doesn’t stick out like it does in an email.
The fifth problem is less often addressed. It is an inherent problem with one-sided communication. There is simply no ability for the listener to interject. This allows the author to rant and rave and say a whole bunch of stuff that he or she may never have said, if the listener had a chance to get a word in edgewise. This is incredibly frustrating and upsetting for the listener. We so need to recognize this. There is nothing more frustrating than to have someone make incorrect assumptions about you, and then to place you in a position of defending those wrong assumptions. This is painful enough in verbal communication, where you can interject. Add to this the one-sided nature of an email and incorrect assumptions can send someone through the roof.
How many assumptions are made in emails? We even say things like, “Now I know you may be thinking...” or “You probably don’t agree, but...” and then the other person can’t even say, “uh, no... I don’t think that,” so we go on for a page with potentially loaded words that we never would have said had the other person had an opportunity to interject, or even shake their head.
What if our initial assumption is wrong? What if the person wanted to say, “No wait, that’s not what I meant at all?” Six paragraphs later, you’ve made enough hurtful assumptions that it doesn’t even matter whether the other person meant what you thought or not, because now you’re going to be dealing with what you said, which would have never been said, if the other person had been there to correct your misunderstandings.
Ok, now listen. I know all of this stuff is true. I haven’t read any of this anywhere. This comes from personal experience. I have experienced the problems of email communication almost daily for probably 15 years. And boy have I had some tough emails to read. But sometimes I still do the very thing I hate! I always think I can manage it somehow this time, with enough qualifications... enough diplomacy... And I don’t know about you, but I’ll even pat myself on the back for how much more I was going to say, that I edited out... Didn’t I try to be as nice and diplomatic as possible? And so, because I made an extra effort, I feel exonerated for trying to converse through email once again. What a dummy.
I don’t know how many times I’ve almost not sent an email response, only to go ahead and send it. Why? Because it was so eloquently written! I know I’ll never be able to make my points so well in person, plus if I delete it, I will have wasted all the time I spent writing it! And I know other people think the same way, because I receive their emails.
Sometimes, it gets so bad, that I literally expect to have a stressful or painful email every time I look at the computer. I can see that I have emails from people, and I click on them with fear and trepidation, hurrying to see what it says, and when it doesn’t say something that is potentially charged with emotion or is confusingly sarcastic or critical, I actually let out a sigh of relief. Whew... one more benign email in the books.
I’m sure ninety five percent of the emails I receive are harmless. But in Russian roulette, there’s only one out of 6 chances that you’re going to blow you’re head off. I feel like I’m rolling the dice every time I check email. It’s insane. It’s stupid! I have developed a phobia of emails... and not just of the ones I receive, but of those I send. The only way I can make sure there is nothing to fear is to check email and make sure I don’t have a difficult one. And then for like the next five minutes, I’m okay. I’m exaggerating in all of this, of course.
But don’t you just wonder what it would be like if we didn’t have all these quick forms of written communication? Texting, chat and Facebook obviously have similar issues. What if we just had to call and actually talk to the person? Even voice messages don’t have the same problems. Or better yet, what if we had to make the effort to go and talk face to face on any matter of personal importance? Certainly, much would be left unsaid. The Bible indicates that there is wisdom in speaking less. I wonder how much wiser I would be and appear if I never tried to have another conversation through email or similar means.
Knowing all of this, I honestly wonder what we should do. Leave a comment if you have an idea. I think I need to make myself some new guidelines. And it would be really cool if everyone I know would think about this too. :-)
Anyone who does email a lot will tell you that inevitably, some of those emails will either have a hint of conflict or, at least, the potential for conflict. A certain percentage of emails cause misunderstanding, and that percentage is considerably higher than the misunderstandings occurring within verbal conversation. Those who know this by experience find themselves tiptoeing through the keypad, often gingerly hitting the send button, never knowing for sure if we have misspoken until we receive the response. And with email, there is always a period of waiting for the response, and that waiting also adds just a little bit more stress to life.
Many times I find myself waiting to hear back from multiple sources, wondering if I have been misunderstood, if I have upset someone, or maybe I’ve very stupidly used email to let someone else know that they’ve upset me. And now I’m waiting to see if they understand, or if things have gotten even worse. And I wait... And I wonder what they’re thinking... And I worry... STUPID!
Now, if the percentage of possibly difficult emails is just five percent, then for me that’s about three or four emails per day that potentially have some kind of conflict attached. And so I’m checking email constantly, wondering what so and so will say about so and so... or will they even respond? Why aren’t they responding? Did I say something offensive without meaning to? What if I forget about the whole situation, because in sending the email I checked it off my list... but what if they never respond? What if they ignored it or never read it. What if it went into their spam folder? Or worse, what if they took something the “wrong” way? Was I out of line? It’s been a day and a half, and no response. What is going on? When will they respond? What have I done!
“Dear Charlie, I hope you didn’t take me wrong in my last email. I didn’t mean to come across too strong. I just meant to say.... blah, blah, blah, blah....”
Three more days of scanning my emails for one from Charlie, and finally Charlie writes back....
“Dear Mark, No, no everything’s fine... good point. By the way, your sermon last Sunday reminded me of the old days... Bye, Charlie”
The old days? Is he saying my sermon was old fashioned? Was it too traditional? Did I hammer people like the preachers of old? Or is he saying that I used to preach great when he first came to church, but then it started to stink, until last Sunday it was good again? Or maybe he was only saying he has fond memories of sermons in his childhood and this reminded him of that for some positive reason? So, not knowing whether to be offended or not, of course, I write back:
"Hey Charlie, not meaning to be a pain, but I just wanted to try to understand what you were saying about “the old days.”
And I wait for his response... and I check back to see if it is there like every five minutes for the next 2 days. (I know I need email intervention.) Email can drive a person insane!
I haven’t even talked about the intentionally hurtful emails, which are rare but unforgettable. Then there are the three page email writers who expect you to respond to every point, point by point, when the whole issue could have been covered in a five minute verbal conversation. Then there are the forwards, most of which are stupid and have been going around for a decade, and there are the scams and the misinformation. I have a love-hate relationship with email. It’s kind of a co-dependency thing... can’t live with it, can’t live without it.
Now, what really are the problems with email as a format for conversation? Well, I’ll tell you. The first problem is obvious... emotion. It is extremely easy to read the wrong emotion into an email. It happens constantly, and many times we never even find out that we were wrong in our interpretation. We just let it hurt our relationship with that other person and never say anything about it, which is also sad. Even from one sentence to the next, we can get the wrong emotional idea from emails. Is it sarcastic? Are they angry? Are they snide? Are they laughing? Is there an underlying point the writer is trying to make? Is there an insinuation? Are they sad? Are they speaking softly or are they yelling? Who knows? And emoticons might help a tiny bit, but those are for girls... so they’re no help to me anyway.
The second problem with email as a method for conversation is that a huge percentage of verbal communication is supported by body language... facial expressions, hand movements, posture, etc. You can’t look into someone’s eyes when you’re reading an email. Are they laid back or are they intense? Are they animated or are they passive about it? How big of a deal is it to them? Who knows?
The third problem is that people are almost always more harsh in writing than in person. We don’t see how our words are affecting the listener. We don’t feel it as much. We don’t have that moment of recognizing that we’re hurting the other person more than we intended to, or that we’re angering the other person, which might motivate us to back down, or even backtrack and reword things. Instead, we just plow on through, only to find out in the response just how horribly the other person interpreted our words. And now it’s too late, because those words are right there in black and white, and I’ve found that people have a very hard time letting go of their initial interpretation, even if you try hard to explain it.
A fourth problem is the stark, pick-it-apart nature of written communication. You could write 5 paragraphs of positive, and two sentences of negative, but when you get the response back it will be like the only thing you wrote were the two sentences of negative. This doesn’t happen as much with verbal communication, because we can’t go back and read the things we hear over and over. We hear audible communication more holistically, but read written conversations in separate pieces. When we read, we tend to divide things out into sentences and paragraphs, and we can take more time to analyze what we like and what we don’t like about what is being said. Conversely, when we listen to someone talk, it all kind of averages together, so anything potentially negative doesn’t stick out like it does in an email.
The fifth problem is less often addressed. It is an inherent problem with one-sided communication. There is simply no ability for the listener to interject. This allows the author to rant and rave and say a whole bunch of stuff that he or she may never have said, if the listener had a chance to get a word in edgewise. This is incredibly frustrating and upsetting for the listener. We so need to recognize this. There is nothing more frustrating than to have someone make incorrect assumptions about you, and then to place you in a position of defending those wrong assumptions. This is painful enough in verbal communication, where you can interject. Add to this the one-sided nature of an email and incorrect assumptions can send someone through the roof.
How many assumptions are made in emails? We even say things like, “Now I know you may be thinking...” or “You probably don’t agree, but...” and then the other person can’t even say, “uh, no... I don’t think that,” so we go on for a page with potentially loaded words that we never would have said had the other person had an opportunity to interject, or even shake their head.
What if our initial assumption is wrong? What if the person wanted to say, “No wait, that’s not what I meant at all?” Six paragraphs later, you’ve made enough hurtful assumptions that it doesn’t even matter whether the other person meant what you thought or not, because now you’re going to be dealing with what you said, which would have never been said, if the other person had been there to correct your misunderstandings.
Ok, now listen. I know all of this stuff is true. I haven’t read any of this anywhere. This comes from personal experience. I have experienced the problems of email communication almost daily for probably 15 years. And boy have I had some tough emails to read. But sometimes I still do the very thing I hate! I always think I can manage it somehow this time, with enough qualifications... enough diplomacy... And I don’t know about you, but I’ll even pat myself on the back for how much more I was going to say, that I edited out... Didn’t I try to be as nice and diplomatic as possible? And so, because I made an extra effort, I feel exonerated for trying to converse through email once again. What a dummy.
I don’t know how many times I’ve almost not sent an email response, only to go ahead and send it. Why? Because it was so eloquently written! I know I’ll never be able to make my points so well in person, plus if I delete it, I will have wasted all the time I spent writing it! And I know other people think the same way, because I receive their emails.
Sometimes, it gets so bad, that I literally expect to have a stressful or painful email every time I look at the computer. I can see that I have emails from people, and I click on them with fear and trepidation, hurrying to see what it says, and when it doesn’t say something that is potentially charged with emotion or is confusingly sarcastic or critical, I actually let out a sigh of relief. Whew... one more benign email in the books.
I’m sure ninety five percent of the emails I receive are harmless. But in Russian roulette, there’s only one out of 6 chances that you’re going to blow you’re head off. I feel like I’m rolling the dice every time I check email. It’s insane. It’s stupid! I have developed a phobia of emails... and not just of the ones I receive, but of those I send. The only way I can make sure there is nothing to fear is to check email and make sure I don’t have a difficult one. And then for like the next five minutes, I’m okay. I’m exaggerating in all of this, of course.
But don’t you just wonder what it would be like if we didn’t have all these quick forms of written communication? Texting, chat and Facebook obviously have similar issues. What if we just had to call and actually talk to the person? Even voice messages don’t have the same problems. Or better yet, what if we had to make the effort to go and talk face to face on any matter of personal importance? Certainly, much would be left unsaid. The Bible indicates that there is wisdom in speaking less. I wonder how much wiser I would be and appear if I never tried to have another conversation through email or similar means.
Knowing all of this, I honestly wonder what we should do. Leave a comment if you have an idea. I think I need to make myself some new guidelines. And it would be really cool if everyone I know would think about this too. :-)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
BBQ Chicken and Rice
Not only do I love to cook, but I love to make stuff up and hope it is good. Friends, this one rocks.
Place 2 cups or so of uncooked brown minute rice in 9x13 baking dish
Pour over top of rice a can of black beans, undrained. You need the liquid.
Sprinkle a generous amount of the seasoning salt of your choice.
Place 6-8 boneless chicken thighs on rice mixture (you could use breasts or bone in or whatever, but the thighs rocked).
Salt and pepper the chicken, then pour a bottle of BBQ sauce on top (I used "Sweet Baby Rays").
Bake covered with foil at 375 for about an hour and a half. I uncovered for the last 15 minutes or so.
Be prepared to fall in love with this dish. I served with some steamed veggies and a fresh salad.
Place 2 cups or so of uncooked brown minute rice in 9x13 baking dish
Pour over top of rice a can of black beans, undrained. You need the liquid.
Sprinkle a generous amount of the seasoning salt of your choice.
Place 6-8 boneless chicken thighs on rice mixture (you could use breasts or bone in or whatever, but the thighs rocked).
Salt and pepper the chicken, then pour a bottle of BBQ sauce on top (I used "Sweet Baby Rays").
Bake covered with foil at 375 for about an hour and a half. I uncovered for the last 15 minutes or so.
Be prepared to fall in love with this dish. I served with some steamed veggies and a fresh salad.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
A Joke...
So a priest, a rabbi and a pastor go into a bar near Hollywood... Don’t ask why, it’s just a joke. After them, a violent gang enters and proceeds to create havoc. The three clergymen stand up, calling on the gang to cease and desist. “Who’s going to make us?” they say. The rabbi speaks up, “Michael Douglas goes to my synagogue.” The gang says, “So what?” So the priest speaks up, “I have Mel Gibson in my parish.” “Oooh... says the gang... We’re not afraid of him either.” The pastor stands up and says, “I have Chuck Norris.........” Immediately, the gang throws down their weapons, goes to their knees, and starts praying for mercy.
By the way, if you didn’t know, Michael Douglas is a Jew, Mel Gibson is a Catholic and Chuck Norris is an evangelical Christian. Let’s just put it this way... at least in the category of who has the baddest dude... we win.
By the way, if you didn’t know, Michael Douglas is a Jew, Mel Gibson is a Catholic and Chuck Norris is an evangelical Christian. Let’s just put it this way... at least in the category of who has the baddest dude... we win.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Parable (From Hebrews 2:1-4)
In another time and another place, three men went to jail. It was a dungeon, actually. According to the law of the land, they had all committed crimes worthy of life in prison. The laws were clear. Their crimes were clear. The consequences were clear. They had no further appeals. Their sentence left them hopeless and beyond redemption. Life in prison was the only destiny they had earned.
But one day a lawyer came to each of the three men, saying “I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that you can’t get out of this prison on your own, you deserve your sentence and you will die here unless you hear and accept the good news...” “Well, what’s the good news?” they said. “The good news is that someone else has volunteered to serve your sentence for you and the Judge has agreed to allow this for your sakes. All you have to do is accept this new plan and you can go free.”
The first man said, “Well, I don’t believe I should be here in the first place. I haven’t done anything nearly as bad as these other two... besides, don’t you know who I am? I was told I would be delivered eventually, but not by the likes of you... I’m staying right here.”
The second man said, “Well, let me think about it... I’m not sure I believe you... sounds a little too easy to be true. I think I’ll hold off.”
The third man said, “That’s awesome! Where do I sign?” He accepted the gift and was let out of prison.
The judge heard about the other two and he had pity on them in their foolishness. It turns out that it was his own son who had agreed to take their sentence. That’s why it was enough to satisfy the justice of this particularly just judge. It’s also the reason he wanted as many of the prisoners to take advantage of his son’s sacrifice as possible. So, going the extra mile, he sent his son, the same one who had offered to take their sentence, to talk to the prisoners in person.
The son said to the two prisoners, “I wanted to come down to this dungeon myself to explain to you that I am actually the one who is going to pay the price for your life sentences. I am going to do this by allowing myself to be executed for your crimes. Since I am willing to do this for you, won’t you please accept my gift and come out of this dungeon?”
The first man said, “Thanks, but I’m waiting for another way out.” The second man said, “I’ve thought about it and I just don’t believe this makes any sense. How could your death pay my sentence? How could your death pay the sentence for all of us? Besides, it isn’t so bad down here anyway... I think I’ll pass.” As the son began to sadly walk away, he said, “Well, I’m going to have to die for the first guy regardless of your decisions, so I sure hope you change your minds.”
After the son had given his life, the two prisoners stayed in jail, even though they could have come out at any time. The Judge continued to have compassion on them. He tried one last thing. He found the first man who had been let out of prison and sent him to plead with the other two. The man was loathe to return to the dungeon, but out of love for the forgiving Judge, he went down anyway. He said to those who had once been his fellow prisoners, “You guys don’t know what you’re missing. It’s great out there. What are you waiting for? Your sentence is already paid. All you have to do is believe it is true and make your own decision to accept the forgiveness and freedom that is being offered to you. Why won’t you accept this good news like I did?”
But by now the two men had experienced all the pains of prison and they had grown hardhearted and angry. They were furious that their friend had been let out of his sentence and they had begun to hate the Judge, somehow blaming him for their own mistakes and foolishness. Sadly, they told their former dungeon mate to leave them alone and they settled even more deeply into their hopeless fate.
The End?
But one day a lawyer came to each of the three men, saying “I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that you can’t get out of this prison on your own, you deserve your sentence and you will die here unless you hear and accept the good news...” “Well, what’s the good news?” they said. “The good news is that someone else has volunteered to serve your sentence for you and the Judge has agreed to allow this for your sakes. All you have to do is accept this new plan and you can go free.”
The first man said, “Well, I don’t believe I should be here in the first place. I haven’t done anything nearly as bad as these other two... besides, don’t you know who I am? I was told I would be delivered eventually, but not by the likes of you... I’m staying right here.”
The second man said, “Well, let me think about it... I’m not sure I believe you... sounds a little too easy to be true. I think I’ll hold off.”
The third man said, “That’s awesome! Where do I sign?” He accepted the gift and was let out of prison.
The judge heard about the other two and he had pity on them in their foolishness. It turns out that it was his own son who had agreed to take their sentence. That’s why it was enough to satisfy the justice of this particularly just judge. It’s also the reason he wanted as many of the prisoners to take advantage of his son’s sacrifice as possible. So, going the extra mile, he sent his son, the same one who had offered to take their sentence, to talk to the prisoners in person.
The son said to the two prisoners, “I wanted to come down to this dungeon myself to explain to you that I am actually the one who is going to pay the price for your life sentences. I am going to do this by allowing myself to be executed for your crimes. Since I am willing to do this for you, won’t you please accept my gift and come out of this dungeon?”
The first man said, “Thanks, but I’m waiting for another way out.” The second man said, “I’ve thought about it and I just don’t believe this makes any sense. How could your death pay my sentence? How could your death pay the sentence for all of us? Besides, it isn’t so bad down here anyway... I think I’ll pass.” As the son began to sadly walk away, he said, “Well, I’m going to have to die for the first guy regardless of your decisions, so I sure hope you change your minds.”
After the son had given his life, the two prisoners stayed in jail, even though they could have come out at any time. The Judge continued to have compassion on them. He tried one last thing. He found the first man who had been let out of prison and sent him to plead with the other two. The man was loathe to return to the dungeon, but out of love for the forgiving Judge, he went down anyway. He said to those who had once been his fellow prisoners, “You guys don’t know what you’re missing. It’s great out there. What are you waiting for? Your sentence is already paid. All you have to do is believe it is true and make your own decision to accept the forgiveness and freedom that is being offered to you. Why won’t you accept this good news like I did?”
But by now the two men had experienced all the pains of prison and they had grown hardhearted and angry. They were furious that their friend had been let out of his sentence and they had begun to hate the Judge, somehow blaming him for their own mistakes and foolishness. Sadly, they told their former dungeon mate to leave them alone and they settled even more deeply into their hopeless fate.
The End?
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